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“إني أريد أن يقول لي أحدهم آسف، نحن نعتذر.. لكن لم يعتذر أحد منهم”!
الجملة التي رددها الممثل أرنولد شوارزنيجر في فيلم (Aftermath) المأخوذ عن كارثة أوبرلينغن، بعد تحطم طائرتين وموت جميع الركاب.
حصل الحادث بخطأ غير مقصود من مهندس الملاحة في تلك الليلة.
الممثل أرنولد شوارزنيجر والذي يلعب دور البطولة هو زوج وأب، وقد فقد في هذا الحادث زوجته وابنته الحامل، ثم رفض تعويض شركة الطيران، لأن الشركة وطاقمها لم تقدم أي اعتذار، أو تتأسف لموت الركاب.
يسعى أرنولد خلف المهندس صاحب الخطأ ويقوم بقتله، لأن المهندس أيضاً رفض أن يعتذر عن الموت، ولم يقل حتى كلمة آسف، واعتبر أن حادث تحطم الطائرتين هو مجرد خطأ.. خطأ وقد يحدث دائماً.
نحن في سوريا أيضاً أبناء وأشقاء وأصدقاء، وأزواج وزوجات ضحايا فقدوا وانفقدوا، ولم يقل لنا أحد ما كلمة: آسف!
كنت أظنني أستطيع الوقوف على مرتفع وألوّح لأبي
كنت أعرف أنني سأكتب هذه القصة يوماً.
كيف سأحبّ دمشق فيما بعد؟
كيف سآمنُها؟..
وكيف سأبتسم لمدينة لم تنقطع فيها الحياة عبر آلاف السنين من الحسنات والسيئات؟
هذه المدينة الغضة واليابسة في آن، اقتطعت مني أبّي!
في ربيع ما، في كذبة ما؛ في الأول من نيسان سنة 2013 وصل والدي إلى قلب العاصمة دمشق، إلى البرامكة، ثم إلى منطقة الحلبوني، فاختطفته كذبة ما، وسملت عينيه يدٌ ما، وربما أيادٍ كثيرة..
لم أعرف في حياتي كلها بلاداً قاسية مثل بلادنا.. بلاد مرّ بها العرب والعجم، مرّ بها الأصحاب والغرباء، ومرًّ بها الألم مزهواً.
لم أعرف في حياتي مدناً تسلب الأبناء آباءَهم مثلما فعلت تلك المدن.
لم تتآكل أسناني ولم يكن عليّ أن أغضب أكثر. كل ما في الأمر أنني شعرت بالتخشّب في حلقي، وعدد كبير من البالونات انفجر في صدري، حين التقيت صدفة جارة أهلي وسألتني: ألم تعرفوا شيئاً عنه؟
عنه؟!
من تقصد هذه المرأة!؟
كانت تقصدك أيها الرجل؛ وأنت تقف على أبواب عامك الستين، من دون شعرة بيضاء واحدة في رأسك. بقدك القليل، وأناقتك المفرطة، وعطرك الذي كان يدوّخ قلبي.
لقد غبت في الزحام كما تقول الأغنية..
غبت ولم تكن لديك نبوءة.. وكان يجب أن أبقى على الدوام أمّ أبيها!
تدري يا أبي؟..
ربما تعرضت أضلاعك -المشقوقة أصلاً- إلى السحق. ربما فقدت بعد يومك الأول حزام ساعتك الجلدي الأسود. ربما لم تستطع أن تخبرهم أنك بحاجة إلى أدوية الضغط والكوليسترول.
لقد شقّ الأطباء صدرك قبل سنوات.. نشروا أضلاعك بعد أن ضاقت أوعيتك وكان لا بدّ من إجراء جراحة لتوسيعها.
لم يصدقوا جملك الكاملة المضبوطة الدقيقة المنتقاة التي تخرج منك بتداع وسلاسة وسلامة ووضوح. ولكن كيف لم يصدقوك؟
لطالما كنت رجلا مفوهًا يا أبي.
متأكدة أنهم شتموك، وأوسعوك ضرباً، وقالوا عن زوجتك وبناتك وشقيقاتك وجاراتك (…..)!
تعرف ماذا قالوا؟
أنا كذلك أعرف.
كل من عاش ويعيش وبقي وغادر ومات وفُقَد في دمشق يعرف.
ونعرف معنى أن يقتادك رجال الأمن، ومعنى عباراتهم المضحكة: “بدنا ياك خمس دقايق.. فنجان قهوة.. ما بتطول سؤال وجواب وبترجع”.
البحر يضحك، وظلك يضحك، ورجال الأمن الذين اقتادوك في تلك الظهيرة يضحكون، ونحن أولادك نضحك، وجدتي التي ابيضت عيناها في انتظارك تضحك. كلنا نضحك يا رجل.. حتى أنت!
سيجارتك التي لم تدخنها يوماً، وأطنان الشتائم التي كالوها لك في قبو ما تحت أرض دمشق تضحك.
مرّت آلاف الأسئلة، ولم يعيدوك ولو في كفن!
كان يجب عليهم أن يفعلوا.
من أنا حتى أقول كان يجب أن يفعلوا؟
في بلادنا لا تقول، بل يُقال لك.
تكتب البنات عن الأب؛ القدوة، الحبيب الأول.
وأنا أكتب عن الندّ؛ عن الشبه المهول بيننا، الجينات، الملامح، الفقد، والانكسار ذاته.
في إحدى السنوات، في مكان ما من دمشق، كانت مديرة مدرستنا تطالعنا كل صباح بدفترها الأزرق وقلمها الرصاص، وتمشي خلفنا بين الباحة والصفوف وتسجل كل شاردة وواردة، وتردد عبارة: “هناك ملائكة على أكتافنا تسجل أعمالنا ويجب أن نحسنها”.
لم أدرِ حتى اللحظة إن كانت قد تركت مهمة مراقبتنا للملائكة! ماذا كانت تصنع بقلم الرصاص والدفتر الأزرق إذا؟
هنالك ملائكة حقاً على كتفيك يا أبي؛ ملائكة حقيقية، تسجل يومياتك، وتنقلها إليّ بين الفينة والأخرى.
أنا أراك كثيراً، أراك دائماً تبتسم ليّ!
مجلة مستقلة، تعنى بشؤون الثورة السورية، نصف شهرية، تطبع وتوزع داخل سوريا وفي عدد من مخيمات اللجوء والتجمعات السورية في الخارج
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آه يا وجعاً لا أمل ضناه، ويا أنيناً لا ندندن سواه.
أنا آسف. أنا جد آسف. آسف لأن المحرقة استثنتني ولم تغفر للباقين.
لكن انتقامي ينمو مثل حزنك. وسيزهر يوماً
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